Badger the Mystical Mutt and the Flying Fez Read online

  Suddenly the shed door burst open.

  Pickle stood in one of Dodgy Dave’s spotlights with her paws raised above her head.

  “That all sounds good to me. Take me in now, Dog Catcher. I’m giving myself up.”

  The Dog Catcher spun round in surprise.

  “Pickle?” he said, “I thought you’d left the lane ages ago to go with Pogo Paws?”

  “No, I’m afraid I chose to stay here, but now I’m ready to go to the Dog Home please,” she said, pushing her neck forward ready for the Dog Catcher’s collar and chain.

  Lennie stood up. “But she’s not a stray,” he said. “She’s with us.”

  Dodgy Dave joined him. “Actually, she’s on tour with us.”

  Snif then rose to his feet, and added “She’s got a part-time job at PLOPP, so she can’t come, because we need to train her up.”

  Top Dog stepped forward and said “Our Big Folk took Pickle in this very night, so she’s got a home.”

  Pickle’s eyes glistened. She could not believe how her old gang were sticking up for her.

  Badger looked from the Dog Catcher to Pickle, and back to the Dog Catcher.

  “I think you can definitely strike Pickle off your ‘most wanted’ list. Is that correct, Pickle?”

  Pickle nodded, unable to speak.

  “Well that settles that then. Have a good night, you lot. I must be on my way before the bells chime in the New Year,” said the Dog Catcher.

  Pickle waited until he was well out of earshot, before hugging each of her old friends in turn.

  “I can’t believe, after everything I’ve said and done, that you’d still all defend me like that,” she said, trying not to cry.

  “That’s what friends are for,” said Badger wisely.

  “Have some of this magical mead, Pickle. We know you still miss Pogo Paws,” offered Lennie. Pretty soon, Pickle was enjoying herself and dancing gleefully with the others.

  Otto smirked. His added ingredients to the mead were starting to take effect, but none of the revellers had noticed yet.

  Over by the shed, Badger picked up the scent of a freshly delivered p-mail.

  It was from Pogo Paws, and it simply said: “I’m on my way”.

  The fog was thinning as Old Year’s Night carried on. The party and its guests were grooving. The food was nearly finished, but the alley cats still had plenty of oomph in their Meowzik Maker. The evening was still young.

  “What’s happened to your fur, Badger?” shrieked Cheryl, “It’s all spiky.”

  Badger pointed at Cheryl “What’s happened to yours? You look like a topsy-turvy thistle.”

  Cheryl gasped, and tried to pat down her fur, but every time she patted, another tuft sprang up.

  “And you look like a creeping juniper bush,” laughed Badger, spotting Dodgy Dave.

  One by one, they saw that the fur of all of their coats was standing on end.

  “It’s difficult to see in the dark, but if I’m not mistaken, my gorgeous coat has gone a deep shade of purple too,” said the Earl disdainfully.

  Badger scratched his chin and said, “Right, this has got to be the mead. Lennie, what exactly has the famous stinkiberry done to us all?”

  Lennie looked at his brother Louie in panic.

  “Badger,” said Louie calmly, “I can assure you, we’ve had this mead many times, and all it’s ever done is tasted good. I’ve never seen it affect anyone like this before.”

  Otto, who was flying overhead, shook with laughter.

  They looked upwards.

  “Is this something to do with you, Otto?” shouted Badger sternly.

  “I might have added a few extra ingredients to the mix,” snorted the fez, still tittering. “This is supposed to be a party after all. Don’t worry, the colour will eventually fade and the spikiness will gradually flop.”

  “Eventually?” howled Cheryl “We’re due back on tour tomorrow!”

  “Oops!” said Otto mischievously.

  “Right, you’ve had your fun, Otto, and we all think you’re hilarious. You’re always moaning about being excluded, so come down here and have some mead with us too.”

  “No chance! I’m meant to be red and my tassle is perfectly sleek, thank you very much,” shouted the fez, zooming higher still.

  Lennie looked longingly after the hat and said: “I wish that fez was mine.”

  “Really?” said a baffled Badger. “You’re welcome to him then, if ’Chief ever returns. In the meantime, I’m ignoring him. See how he likes that!”

  The others agreed that to simply ignore the fez seemed like a very good plan indeed.

  “Let’s get back into the party spirit. So what if we’re purple and spiky?” said Hamish cheerfully.

  “Yes, show us some magic tricks, Badger,” suggested Louie.

  Timmy threw him a banana and asked, “Can you straighten that?”

  Badger sighed heavily, looked to where his neckerchief had once sat and then raised his eyebrows wearily to Otto the Fez, still giggling above.

  “Well, I can try. If I can remember my banana-straightening spell, that is.

  “Manyana banana, so ripe and so yellow,

  Do me a favour and be a nice fellow.

  Why are you curved? Is that your fate?

  Just take your bend and now make it straight.”

  Badger stood back and watched the banana tie itself into a knot. He scratched his chin as the others all fell about laughing. Otto sulked, as no one was laughing at him anymore. In fact, it was as if he wasn’t even there.

  “Well, it’s not quite a straight banana, Badger, but I think it’s funnier like that. Any more tricks?” guffawed Dodgy Dave.

  “Enough!” giggled Badger. “Now, why don’t you all tell me your plans for the year ahead. Has anyone got any New Year’s resolutions?”

  “Yes,” piped up Top Dog. “Hamish and I are going to volunteer to help at PLOPP once a week with Snif and Timmy.”

  “That’s very admirable, Top Dog. Anyone else?” asked Badger.

  “Yes, Cheryl’s got a plan,” said Dodgy Dave nudging his dancing partner. Cheryl’s eyes widened as she took centre stage and explained. “We’re starting free dancing classes after this next tour for our footloose four-legged friends.”

  “Wow!” said Badger nodding appreciatively. “I know there will be lots of eager pals who will be delighted to follow in your footsteps.”

  “And we’ve got a recipe book coming out with all the dishes we’ve created at PLOPP,” said Timmy. “It’s called Classic Creations from PLOPP on the Lane and the famous chef, Delilah Whiff, has written the introduction. It’s really exciting. We’re hoping Miss Whiff will be able to join us for the launch.”

  “Snif, Miss Whiff and Timmy! What a dream team that will be down at PLOPP! Well done, you two. You’ve both worked so hard,” said Badger proudly.

  “Our next trip is to an ashram in Bangalore, to chill out,” said Lennie looking at his brother Louie happily.

  “Aha!” said Badger “So the Zen Den in our last adventure made a bit of an impact?”

  Lennie blushed.

  The Earl of Doodlepoppington was next to reveal his plans. “Well, my dear boy, I’m thinking of expanding my Pooch Parlour empire to include other planets in our solar system. After all, I’ve already conquered the world.”

  “Okay,” said Badger mystified. “And you know for sure, there’s a market there?”

  “There certainly is on Planet Sirius, so that’s where I’ll start,” said the Earl smugly.

  “And what about you Pickle?” asked Badger gently.

  Pickle stood up, amidst her friends and admitted, “I wish I could start my New Year with Pogo Paws. I should have gone with him to the circus when I had the chance.”

  The others patted her kindly. Otto, who was now trying to get in everyone’s good books, flew around her and tickled her on her tummy with his tassle to make her laugh. Badger smiled, nodded knowingly and said: “Well, if at first you don’
t succeed, Pickle, try again.”

  Pickle stared at him, baffled.

  Finally, Badger beckoned the fez. “How about you, Otto? Do you have plans for the New Year?”

  “I do, I do,” said Otto meekly.

  “Well, please share them with us all. This should be interesting,” said Badger.

  “I vow to be more obedient, less cheeky, but most importantly, I’m going to start up my own squadron of red fezzes: an aerobic flying-formation skylark. I, of course, will be flight leader,” announced Otto, tilting upwards and twirling like a gyroscope in the air.

  “Wow!” said Badger. “Well, we’ll all be expecting a spectacular fly-past when ’Chief returns.

  Otto smiled and waved his tassle.

  As they had been chatting, they hadn’t noticed that the fog had cleared completely. The midnight sky was ablaze with stars.

  Badger looked up and saw a familiar lone cloud hovering high above.

  It was Nippy Nimbus, his grumpy cloud crony.

  “Happy New Year, Nippy!” shouted Badger up into the sky.

  “It’s still Old Year’s Night. There’s still a minute left. It’s bad luck to wish me Happy New Year before it’s actually Happy New Year” grumbled Nippy Nimbus.

  “Well, Happy Old Year then,” chuckled the Mystical Mutt.

  “Why are you purple? I haven’t had any purple rain recently. And I think you’ve overdone it with the fur gel. You are totally spiky,” cackled the cloud.

  “On a special night like this, we need to … erm… look our best,” Badger blustered.

  “Well, if that’s your best, I dread to see your worst,” sneered Nippy.

  “Quick, everyone,” said Badger. “It’s nearly New Year.”

  The rest of the party gathered together in a circle and looked skyward.

  Top Dog counted down from sixty.

  Hamish joined in at fifty, along with the alley cats.

  Cheryl and Dodgy Dave entered the count at forty.

  Snif and Timmy chipped in at thirty seconds.

  At just twenty seconds to go before the brand new year, Lennie and Louie linked paws with the others.

  At ten seconds, the Earl put his arm around Badger and Pickle. They began the final exciting countdown.

  “Ten!” they shouted.

  “Nine … eight … seven … six … five … four … three … two … and one!”

  “Happy New Year!” they screamed in delight to one another.

  Around them, a cavalcade of fireworks exploded into the sky in a dazzling shower of sparkling colours.

  “Happy New Year, Nippy!” yelled Badger “Can’t you give me a tiny smile, just for once?”

  Nippy Nimbus shuddered and shouted: “I’ll make it my New Year’s resolution to smile just this once then. Now look, I have a surprise for you!”

  As they all watched the feast of starbursts in the sky, balloons floated down from Nippy Nimbus. Badger peered closer. He was sure he had spotted a red and white polka dot parachute amidst the balloons.

  Could it be? Badger thought hopefully. Could this really be ’Chief bringing me New Year cheer?

  Cheryl pointed excitedly into the sky. “Someone’s arriving by balloon flight. Look!”

  They looked on in awe as ’Chief landed softly on the grass, swaddling a bundle. Badger ran towards his beloved neckerchief.

  “At long last, ’Chief, you’ve come home. You have no idea how much I’ve missed you.”

  But ’Chief wasn’t the only surprise guest at the party.

  The neckerchief unravelled from its precious cargo to reveal none other than the gang’s missing member, and the long-lost friend of Pickle.

  It was Pogo Paws, live, and in the fur.

  Pickle was dumbstruck.

  “Happy New Year, Pickle! It’s really me,” said Pogo Paws, a little dizzy from the flight.

  The others stood back respectfully, waiting for Pickle’s reaction. Badger tied ’Chief back around his neck, tapped him and whispered “Thank you. But how could you leave without telling me where you were going?”

  “For once,” explained ’Chief, “Otto was right. You wouldn’t have been able to resist telling Pickle that Pogo Paws was coming. It had to be a surprise. Sorry, Badger.”

  “You’re back now, and that’s all that matters,” said Badger gratefully.

  Pickle stepped nervously towards Pogo Paws. “Is it really you? Or am I dreaming?”

  “It’s definitely me, Pickle. Pinch me. I’m real,” said Pogo Paws light-heartedly.

  Top Dog, Dodgy Dave, Snif, Lennie, Badger and the others all cheered.

  “Good to have you back, Pogo Paws. She’s been a nightmare without you,” said Top Dog.

  “Are you staying? You wouldn’t leave me again, would you?” asked Pickle.

  Pogo Paws looked at Pickle with longing and said: “I never want to leave you again, Pickle.” They hugged. The rest of the gang applauded and Badger said: “At last, the old gang is finally all back together again. Happy New Year everyone!”

  The remaining drops of mead were passed around, and there was much celebration.

  A peeved Otto floated around Badger’s head sighing heavily.

  “Now that your beloved ’Chief is back, am I going to be consigned to your dusty old plant pot again. Badger?” he asked with a heavy heart.

  “Oh Otto, you’ve given me so many laughs this short while, that I’d hate to put you back in the plant pot, but this mutt ain’t big enough for both you and ‘Chief. I don’t know what to do.”

  “But you promised that you wouldn’t put me back in the plant pot if I got rid of the chicken pox,” wailed Otto.

  Badger scratched his chin. He’d forgotten about the chicken pox, and a promise was a promise. All of a sudden, ’Chief started to wriggle around Badger’s neck and pointed towards Lennie.

  “I know!” piped up Lennie. “Can I have Otto? Please? We’re stopping off in Turkey en route to Bangalore. Otto, isn’t that where you’re from?”

  Otto nodded enthusiastically.

  Badger looked sceptical.

  “I’d look after him,” said Lennie eagerly. “I’d train him. And I’d let him out to fly every day.”

  Badger looked at Otto. Otto winked at Badger.

  “Okay Lennie, it sounds like a plan. And good luck with the training.”

  Otto fixed himself firmly on Lennie’s head and tickled his nose with his tassle.

  Lennie put on his best commanding voice and said: “Otto, sit!”

  It was dawn on the first day of the brand new year. All was quiet, but for a few dull beats still bumping on the Meowzik Maker’s turntable. The food was finished and the mead had been drunk dry. A few of the party guests were slumped — half-snoozing, half-purple, half-spiky — around the lane and Badger’s garden. The alley cats stretched and yawned.

  Louie nudged Lennie gently from his slumber. “Come on, brother. We have a flight to catch.”

  Lennie woke with a start, scratched his head and spotted Otto the Fez soaring happily above. He remembered his vow to train the pesky hat, and take him with him on his travels, and groaned.

  Cheryl already had her curlers in, and was adding the finishing touches to her lip gloss. She tugged at Dodgy Dave’s collar, who was snoring deeply. “Get up, you. We’ve got a show tonight.”

  The Earl lay fast asleep with an eye mask and ear plugs.

  Top Dog, Snif, Hamish and Timmy started to clear up.

  Badger was busy teaching ’Chief his best boomerang spell.

  “Boomerangs always come back, ’Chief. So I want us both to know this spell inside out. I’m not risking losing you again,” said Badger gently.

  “But I wasn’t actually lost, Badger, and I did come back. I’ve explained why I couldn’t tell you. However, if boomerang spells make you happy, then let’s do it,” said ’Chief folding itself into a big smiley face.

  Pogo Paws and Pickle woke up in the shed together. Pickle rubbed her eyes in disbelief as Pogo Paws turned
towards her smiling.

  “So you’re awake then. It’s just like the old days,” yawned Pickle, who hadn’t slept a wink.

  “I’ve missed you so much, Pickle,” said Pogo Paws gently.

  “I know,” said Pickle. “I’ve missed you too, my old pal.”

  As Badger and the others waved goodbye to Lennie, Louie, Cheryl, Dodgy Dave and Otto, the mischievous fez, Pickle started firing questions at Pogo Paws.

  “So, how did you get here? I thought the only way you could reach your circus was through a portal in the enchanted forest.”

  “Correct!” said Pogo Paws.

  “But I thought it had to be at a solar eclipse, and last time it involved a minotaur and an enchanting exchange,” added Pickle.

  “It did … last time. But this time, ’Chief helped,” said Pogo Paws, tapping his nose knowingly.

  “So does this mean you can’t return?” said Pickle hopefully.

  “Not entirely. ’Chief showed me how to get home, but only if I’m not on my own,” said Pogo Paws shyly.

  “Not on your own? Why, who are you taking with you?” barked Pickle.

  “Well, I was very much hoping that would be you,” grinned Pogo Paws bashfully.

  An incredible rumpus erupted from the shed as Pickle jumped up and down in glee.

  Badger, Timmy, Snif, Hamish and Top Dog all looked at each other in delight. Even the Earl awoke with the excitement in the air.

  “Looks like Pogo Paws has given Pickle some good news,” said Top Dog.

  “Maybe he’s back for good,” said Hamish hopefully.

  “Or perhaps, he’s taking her with him,” said Snif.

  Back in the shed, Pogo Paws was mapping out a plan for Pickle. It involved Badger’s Wim-Wim.

  “You see,” said Pogo Paws, “here’s what we have to do. Now let me try to remember what ’Chief said. Yes, that’s right: our wish to get back to the circus together must be really strong enough to drive us forward, and then the portal will open. What we think about, we bring about … or something like that.”