Badger the Mystical Mutt and the Crumpled Capers Read online

  He smoothed it out some more.

  “No more crumpledness here,” he thought, as he marched on proudly to attend the opening of Timmy and Snif’s new centre. He wanted to present Timmy with a very special gift.

  Badger smiled as he walked past the easels with tail-wagging diagrams and signs for workshops explaining the body language of cats and dogs. He chuckled at one blackboard as he read the words: Fundamental Difference No. 1. Dogs like to be liked; cats aren’t bothered.

  And he giggled when he saw a group of dogs giving some cats a lesson on how to endear themselves to the Big Folk.

  He passed a production line with recycled cans of Buddy Bites and saw Snif in an apron with a net on his head, packing a thick yellow sludge into the cans.

  “Hi, Badger,” shouted Snif. “I’m chief-chunker. What do you think? It’s our new papaya and pineapple preserve; perfect for preventing allergies caused by pet dander.”

  “Wow, that’s amazing!” said Badger.

  “We’ve just done a deal to supply the local lanes, and it’s really catching on. We plan to expand across the duck pond soon, and we’re doing a roaring trade on p-bay.”

  “Toastastic! Is Timmy here today?” he asked.

  “Yes, he’s over there,” said Snif happily. “And his sneezes are long gone. This papaya and pineapple preserve sorted his allergy in a jiff of a jiffy.”

  Timmy was hosting a session to his fellow cats on, “Conquering your fear of water”, when Badger appeared shyly at his side.

  “I just wanted to give you this, Timmy,” said Badger holding out his paws.

  Timmy looked and saw a shiny new Badger badge.

  “But I thought …” he gasped,” that a Badger badge was a once-in-a-lifetime award, and I’ve already had mine”

  “Yes, but you lost it during a remarkable feat of bravery, so I had another one made, just like it.”

  Timmy pinned it proudly to his collar and thanked Badger. Snif appeared by his side and pointed happily to the sign above the entrance.

  “What do you think of our logo?” he asked.

  Badger looked at the PLOPP lettering, which had a sprig of mistletoe entwined around it.

  “I think it’s very appropriate, Snif, as mistletoe is, after all, a symbol of peace and harmony. I wish you well with this. It’s a really good thing you’re doing for us all.”

  Snif and Timmy linked paws and smiled.

  Out in the lane, Pogo Paws and Pickle were figuring out which of them would be leader. Neither of them had included Lennie in the vote.

  “Why don’t we do one potato, two potato?” suggested Lennie. “That seems the fairest way.”

  “Potato what?” said Pickle.

  Lennie placed his paw in the centre of them, and said “One potato”, then invited Pickle to put her paw on top and say, “two potato”.

  Pogo Paws joined in, and as he placed his paw on top of Pickle’s paw, he said “three potato”.

  Lennie used his other paw to put on top of the pile of paws and said “four”. He pointed to Pickle to use her other paw.

  “Five potato?” Then Pogo Paws made “six potato”, and Lennie “seven potato”.

  Pickle looked at Lennie as she had no paws left.

  “Right,” sighed Lennie. “Here’s how it works: one potato, two potato, three potato, four; five potato, six potato, seven potato, more. We just keep putting our paws in, and when you’ve used up one, you put it behind your back. The first to have no paws left at the end is ‘it’.”

  “What do you mean ‘it?’” asked Pickle.

  “The new gang leader, of course,” said Lennie, pretty sure that he’d counted it out not to be him.

  “I get it, I get it,” said Pickle excitedly. “This is a good game. Right, I’ll start it off.”

  Pickle did her “one potato”. Lennie followed with “two potato”, and Pogo Paws with “three potato”. And so they continued with, “four, five potatoes, six potatoes, seven potatoes, more”, and soon they each had one paw behind their back.

  Then they carried on with the next round.

  Lennie crossed his eyes and hoped he’d counted properly, with his one remaining paw still in the game.

  But he hadn’t.

  As he placed his other paw behind his back, Pogo Paws and Pickle looked at him in astonishment.

  “You’re ‘it’. You’re actually ‘it’. You’re our new gang leader,” they shouted together in horror.

  “Looks like I am,” grinned Lennie, wondering just how on earth he was going to cope with the responsibility.

  Badger trotted back to his garden feeling very pleased with himself.

  “Another Badgical-Magical job well done,” he thought.

  Then he saw it, glinting next to the sundial.

  His treasured Wim-Wim had returned.

  It clanked and rattled to greet him. He took off his neckerchief and polished its reverse plunger lovingly.

  The Wim-Wim was back and ready for the next Badgical-Magical adventure.

  ALSO PUBLISHED BY THE LUNICORN PRESS

  Badger the Mystical Mutt

  ISBN: 978-0-9569640-0-7

  Badger the Mystical Mutt

  and the Barking Boogie

  ISBN: 978-0-9560640-1-4

  www.badgerthemysticalmutt.com