Badger the Mystical Mutt and the Barking Boogie Read online

  “Whoa, ’Chief!” said Badger, “We’re not supposed to go anywhere near the lane. Didn’t you see the notice from the Pong Police?”

  ’Chief nodded, but beckoned Badger and pointed upwards.

  “It’s a flying mission then?”

  Badger stood up lazily, straightened his legs and shook his bottom until his tail whirred. Soon, he was hovering in the air above his garden. He followed ’Chief out into the lane and up towards the wheelie bins. There, he saw the Pong Police poised to start covering the bins with their toxic spray.

  He heard a tiny cough and smelt an enormous pong, and knew straightaway that Cheryl was inside.

  “Uh-oh!” he thought. “I need to create a diversion, and quickly.” He looked up at ’Chief, who was still hovering in the sky alongside him, and whispered: “Show Koo Ray, Show Koo Ray, create some wind, and make them go away.”

  ’Chief swirled and swirled until a mini tornado swept down the lane. The Pong Police watched in confusion as leaves and dust spun and whirled around them. But it only made them more determined to fire their sprays.

  “Well done, ’Chief, but it’s not stopping them from firing. And if that poison is carried in the wind then we’re all in danger. I’ll try something else.” He scratched his head, pointed his ears towards the crew’s backpacks, and said quickly:

  “Treacle, trickle, gunge and goo,

  Change their sprays to something new!”

  As Badger circled above, out of sight from the Pong Police, he watched them fire their sprays over the wheelie bins. But instead of a fine mist of poisonous spray, thick treacle covered the bins.

  The Pong Police jumped back and ran away, baffled by what was in their backpacks. Badger landed in the lane with a bump.

  Dodgy Dave and Cheryl clambered out of the treacle-covered bin.

  Dodgy Dave gave himself a shake, then fled. Cheryl shouted after him, and turned to Badger, a little bewildered.

  “Come on, Cheryl. Back to mine!”

  Back in his garden, Badger sat Cheryl down.

  “Okay, I do think Dodgy Dave likes you, but I don’t think your smelliness is the only reason he flees when he sees you. I think he’s worried you’ll tell the gang about his dancing.”

  “But why would his dancing be a problem?” asked Cheryl

  “Because he’s the gang leader, so he has to be tough. I think the rest of the gang might think he’s a bit namby-pamby for dancing. He’s a hard nut, Cheryl. He’s been on the run from the Dog Catcher for as long as I’ve known him.”

  “But I have to have a dance partner for the Hotpaws Barking Boogie, and Dodgy Dave is my best chance.”

  “Then talk to him about it. But don’t do it in front of the gang. Now, let’s see if we can work on my smell-removing spell, to help you in the meantime.”

  Badger tried and failed again to remove Cheryl’s smell. She shrugged her shoulders and thanked him for trying.

  As she slipped through the crack in the fence, she came nose to nose with Dodgy Dave.

  “Ah, Dodgy Dave, I’ve been looking for you,” said Cheryl, looking up at him, and smiling prettily.

  Dodgy Dave grunted and turned to go, but Cheryl jumped up onto his head and put her tiny paws over his eyes.

  “No, stop! Don’t run away from me again. I know you love to dance. I love to dance too. And it’s the Hotpaws Barking Boogie this weekend. Please, Dodgy Dave, will you be my dancing partner?”

  Dodgy Dave shook himself, hoping to dislodge Cheryl from the top of his head, but she clung on tightly.

  “Please, Dodgy Dave?”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about. All I know is that I have an annoying smell on top of my head.”

  “But you love the merengue, the dig swivel, the jitterbug and jive.” Cheryl did a few dainty steps of each dance as she spoke. “Your timing is amazing. I’ve seen you cha-cha, rumba, samba … and you’ve got a sweet Lindy Hop. I’ve watched you in the moonlight.”

  Before he could reply, four menacing shapes emerged from behind the old oak tree.

  “Oi, Dodgy Dave!” teased Snif. “Why don’t you show us your Paso Doble then?”

  “Or maybe you could do a little pirouette for us, you wishy-washy dancer-doggie,” scoffed Pogo Paws

  “Did you put the dum in the dumdiddydoodoo?” shouted Pickle.

  “No, he put the diddy in the dumdiddydoodoo!” sneered Snif.

  “Oh, can you do the Slosh?” asked Lennie hopefully, kicking out his right paw.

  Dodgy Dave grinned in embarrassment and said, “She’s clearly mad, gang. You know she’s always chasing us. She’s bonkers. I mean dancing? Me? Never! That’s for girlies, not tough guys like me.”

  Cheryl looked at Dave in disbelief.

  “Badger said I should talk to you about dancing but now I wish I hadn’t bothered,” said Cheryl scowling, before adding haughtily, “You’ve got about as much charm as a squashed satsuma anyway.”

  “I might have known that Mystical Mutt was behind this. Wait until I get my paws on him!” shouted Dodgy Dave. “In fact, Pogo Paws, send a p-mail now to Badger. and tell him that our little pongy Cheryl here is unavoidably stuck in the lane.”

  Pogo Paws sped off to send the p-mail, while Dodgy Dave and the rest of the gang carried Cheryl to the wheelie bins where the gungy treacle lay, and plonked her right in the middle of the sticky mess.

  Dodgy Dave smirked and said, “Right, Cheryl! Let’s see you dance now!”

  Cheryl used all her strength to try to lift her tiny paw out of the tacky black gunk, but with no luck.

  “I can’t move, Dodgy Dave. Please help me!”

  The rest of the gang whooped and cackled as they watched Cheryl, who was stuck fast.

  “Maybe Badger the Mystical Mutt will use one of his famous spells to help you!” sniggered Dodgy Dave.

  Back in Badger’s garden, amidst the general whiff of the lane, he caught the scent of a freshly delivered p-mail. He sniffed the lamp post to open it. It was clear that Cheryl needed his help.

  He dashed into the lane to see Cheryl knee-deep in treacle, sobbing dramatically.

  “Cheryl!” he shouted, “I’m coming to get you.”

  As he waded forward through the gluey mixture, the gang dropped a fishing net on his head and reeled him in.

  “Gotcha!” shouted Dodgy Dave “Now let’s see how you get out of this one, since you’re so good at poking your nose into my business. Just so you know, Badger, the only dancing I’ve ever done is in a ring with Boxers.

  “And as for you, Cheryl,” he added, in his toughest voice, “you’re not just like a bad smell, you are a bad smell, and you just won’t go away. This should keep you in one place for a bit. Oh, and by the way, I’m sure I saw the Pong Police up ahead.”

  The gang snorted and chortled as they watched Badger slide through the treacle until he was next to Cheryl.

  “You now have all day to chat about the delights of dancing together!” scoffed Dodgy Dave.

  “Or until the Pong Police reach you,” added Pickle nastily.

  Dodgy Dave and the gang slithered off, leaving Badger and Cheryl in a sticky situation.

  “Don’t worry, Cheryl. I’ll get us out of this. All I need is one of my most efficient sticky goo-removal spells,” said Badger bravely.

  Cheryl looked up at him hopefully and released another loud prffffft.

  “Ooops!” she giggled. “I think nerves make my bottom burps bigger.”

  Badger frowned and tried his best to remember the magic words. Sparkles of light twinkled around him. “Bingo!” he thought, “Soapy suds! They should do the trick!” He tried to jump up and down with the excitement of remembering the spell, but his paws would not budge.

  “Treacle, trickle, gunge and goo,

  Time to turn into something new.

  You’re extremely sticky, and a little drippy,

  So hubble some bubbles and now become slippy.”

  If Badger could have moved, he would have stoo
d back with a flourish, as he was very pleased with himself. Immediately, lots of soapy bubbles started to appear around them.

  And soon, clouds upon clouds of bubbles filled every inch of the lane.

  “Now’s our chance to escape, Cheryl,” said Badger. “’Chief, we need you to steer us out of here, please. Show koo ray, show koo ray, out of the bubbles, up, up and away.”

  ’Chief unwrapped itself from Badger’s neck and billowed out like a parachute. Badger hung on with Cheryl hanging on to his tail. They climbed above the bubbles and soared along the lane, until they landed gently in Badger’s garden.

  “Well, that was a stroke of genius,” said Badger smugly. Then, sniffing Cheryl, he added, “At least the bubbles have made you smell better. Not much … but a little.”

  Cheryl brightened. “Oh, if the smell has gone, maybe Dodgy Dave will dance with me now?”

  Badger looked at her kindly. “It’s not that simple, Cheryl. I think we need to call in some extra help to get rid of your smell completely. Follow me.”

  Cheryl frowned and followed Badger to the sundial at the bottom of his garden.

  “This sundial,” said Badger proudly, pointing to a stone pillar with a stone plate balanced on top, “is my Badgical Magical portal to the enchanted forest.”

  “What’s a portal?” asked Cheryl

  “It’s like a door, which opens at exactly the right time for us to slip through into another place,” answered Badger.

  “I don’t understand,” said Cheryl, shaking her head vigorously.

  “Okay, watch then. I’m just waiting for a cloud to pass and then we can be off.” Badger was very still as he sniffed the air. He looked up at the cloud and hoped that the sun would peep out soon.

  “Where are we going? I need time to practise my moves for the Hotpaws Barking Boogie,” asked Cheryl.

  “Well, this might help you find your dancing partner, Cheryl. So trust me just for a while, and I can assure you that you won’t lose any time at all by coming with me now. Where we are going, time stands still.”

  Cheryl shimmied along Badger’s back. She skipped onto the sundial and danced a cha-cha around its golden face. “What a great dance floor,” she shouted gleefully.

  “Ssssh, Cheryl. Show a bit of respect. Come back now,” said Badger.

  Cheryl hopped onto Badger’s head and hung on to his white tuft, wide-eyed at this magnificent structure.

  “When the pointer on the sundial is lined up with that bone picture there,” Badger pointed, “and that ball picture there, and when the sun casts its shadow in just the right way, the portal opens and we can take flight,” stated Badger.

  Cheryl gasped and said, “But it’s nearly there.”

  “I know,” said Badger. “Get ready, wee one.”

  As the shadow glided into place, a strange-looking contraption appeared before them, huffing and puffing, clanking and clunking.

  “Meet the Wim-Wim for the Wowser to wind the weather up on a wet day,” said Badger with pride. “Come on, Cheryl. Let’s go and make you smell divine.”

  Cheryl hung on to Badger’s ears as he stepped onto the first rung of the ladder. He twisted the big golden key that was sticking out from the Wim-Wim’s side, clockwise. As the contraption cranked and creaked, jabbered and droned, rattled and groaned, they both took their seats.

  Sparkles of light twinkled around Badger. The Wim-Wim sighed and breathed out a steady rumbling hum. Badger nodded to Cheryl and shouted, “Okay, we’re off. Now I need you to repeat after me:

  “Open our hearts with our eyes closed tight.”

  “Open our hearts with our eyes closed tight,” repeated Cheryl, closing her eyes tightly.

  “Imagine our bodies filling with light.”

  “Imagine our bodies filling with light,” repeated Cheryl, taking a deep breath.

  “With good intentions clearly in sight.”

  “With good intentions clearly in sight,” repeated Cheryl, starting to tingle all over.

  “Let Badgical Magical Dreams take flight,” said Badger with a salute! The top of the Wim-Wim whirred rapidly.

  “Let Badgical Magical Dreams take flight,” repeated Cheryl with the same salute.

  Just then a wondrous rumba beat pulsed throughout her body, all the way from the top of her tiny head, right down to the end of her tiny toes.

  “Woweeee!” shouted Cheryl, as she opened her eyes and looked around her.

  “If I practised my high kick dance moves up here, they’d be the highest high kicks ever,” she giggled.

  She peered over the edge of the Wim-Wim and squealed in delight. “Everything looks so tiny. This is the biggest I’ve ever been!”

  Badger smiled and told her to sit down.

  “Now,” he said, “I’m looking for a very particular cloud. He’s called Nippy Nimbus and you will recognise him from his frown.”

  Just then, the Wim-Wim hurtled off to one side, as a blast of wind blew them off course.

  “Where did that come from?” asked Badger, a bit baffled. “It wasn’t at all windy when we took off.”

  Then the Wim-Wim plunged rapidly downwards.

  They both gripped the sides in panic, as Cheryl’s bottom parachuted above her. Badger looked up to catch Cheryl’s legs and spotted Nippy Nimbus blowing hard, his big white cheeks all puffed out.

  “Oi!” shouted Badger. “What are you doing? We’re coming to see you.”

  “You’re not coming anywhere near me with that smell. Goodbye!” Nippy Nimbus drew in another deep breath, ready to blow them out of the sky.”

  “Quick, Cheryl. Pull that lever next to you.” Badger pointed to the middle handle.

  As she did, a massive see-through circular wind deflector emerged from the rim of the Wim-Wim. shielding them from Nippy Nimbus and his bluster.

  “And now for some of this,” said Badger, stamping hard onto a pedal on the floor.

  Vrooooooooooooom! The Wim-Wim soared suddenly towards the grumpy cloud at turbo-charged speed.

  They landed with a bump on the brow of Nippy Nimbus whose eyes started to water with the smell.

  “Now look what you’ve made me do. You’ve made me rain. I’ll get a row from the Drizzle Doctors because I was supposed be dry today,” he complained. “Right, let’s get this over with as quickly as possible. Usual place then is it, Badger? I need the password.”

  “Cloud number nine,” yelled Badger confidently.

  “Nope! You should know by now that the password changes with the weather,” said Nippy smugly.

  “Hmmph!” Badger sighed and scratched his head. He looked down hopefully at his neckerchief for inspiration. The Wim-Wim spluttered and the sun symbol hanging from its canopy began to glow brightly. Badger smiled and said:

  “What about ‘sunshine on a rainy day’, Nippy?”

  Nippy groaned and said: “I don’t know how you do it, Badger, but I’ll catch you out one day. Okay, be on your way. At least it means the smell goes with you.”

  The important key on the side of the Wim-Wim started to vibrate and shine.

  “Okay, Cheryl, here we go. Hold on tight,” said Badger.

  The Wim-Wim creaked and clattered, and panted and puttered, and in the cotton-wool fuzziness, an opening appeared. The Wim-Wim sped through it and, in the blink of a blink, they landed in a place unlike anywhere Cheryl had seen before.

  “Well, this certainly isn’t the lane!” she exclaimed, jumping down the ladder.

  “Hang on!” said Badger. “Wait for me!” He rushed after her.

  The trees overhead showered sparkles of raindrops on Cheryl’s upturned face. She splashed gaily through the puddles. As she twirled her way through the flower stems, their petals sheltered her like a tent of umbrellas. The bees buzzed and the crickets whirred.

  Cheryl tap-danced through the fallen leaves and squealed, “Badger, look at all the gorgeous colours. This place is amazing!”

  Badger smiled at Cheryl’s zest for beauty. “Come on. There’s someo
ne I want you to meet.” She took his outstretched paw in hers and skipped along beside him.

  They set off down the golden-leaved path. Soon, they saw a white wooden sign ahead.

  “Ooooh, Badger, what’s that?” asked Cheryl, dragging him towards it.

  The sign had an arrow on it with the words: “Boat Trips allowed. Fishing for Wishes permitted.”

  Cheryl did several star jumps, spun around and looked beseechingly at Badger.

  “Please, can we go? Do we have time?” she begged, her eyes wide with hope.

  “Okay, wee one. Remember, time stands still here, so we’re in no rush. Let’s go.”

  As they walked off the path, they saw another sign, which read:

  “WARNING! Be careful what you wish for; you just might get it.”

  “I know exactly what I’m wishing for, Badger. I want to dance with Dodgy Dave.”

  They carried on through the forest and soon heard the soothing sound of water lapping. Another sign, stuck into the mud at a jaunty angle, read:

  “Welcome to the Wishing Lake in the Sky. Please take a paper boat from the paper boat dispenser below and follow the instructions inside.”

  Cheryl looked up at Badger and asked, “May I?”

  Badger nodded and let go of her paw. She skipped excitedly over to the dispenser, and took a paper boat. Inside, there was a folded up piece of paper which Cheryl unfolded quickly, reading its instructions aloud:

  “Now you have your paper boat, make your wish and make it float. Think about your heart’s desire, the thing that sets your soul on fire, your deepest and most cherished wish. then set it sail with a precious kiss. The Wishing Lake can make it true, so trust in it, and it will you.”

  She looked round at Badger with longing in her big blue eyes. Badger smiled and said: “On you go, Cheryl. I’ll wait over here.” He rested his bottom on the trunk of a big old tree and watched her fondly. She took her paper boat to the side of the lake, stood for a moment, and thought very hard. Then she whispered into the paper boat cupped in her paws, and set it softly onto the water with a kiss. Curtsying after it, she watched it sail across the lake, then climbed back up the bank towards Badger.