Badger the Mystical Mutt and the Barking Boogie Read online

  “All done. Ready to go now,” she smiled.

  She took Badger’s paw in hers and they continued along the golden-leaved path.

  Soon, they heard a rustle in the leaves ahead.

  “Ssssh!” said Badger nodding to Cheryl, though she hadn’t made a sound. “I think Baby Unicorn has come to greet us.”

  “Oh, can unicorns dance?” whispered Cheryl.

  “Unicorns can do everything,” said Badger with a wink.

  Out of the trees, a beautiful white unicorn appeared.

  “A unicorn!” shrieked Cheryl “At last, I’m finally meeting one.” She curtsied and clicked her heels, then said proudly: “I’m Cheryl with a C, that’s me! Not Sheryl with an S, because Sheryl with an S goes ‘Ssssshhhh’, and Cheryl with a C goes ‘Ch’, as in cha-cha-cha.”

  Cheryl sashayed her hips and asked, “Can you dance, your royal unicorniness?”

  Badger formally introduced Baby Unicorn to Cheryl, and he bowed to them both.

  As Baby Unicorn got closer to Cheryl, his soft white nose shrivelled in horror at the stench. He looked at Badger curiously.

  “I don’t want to be rude, Badger, but that smell is unbearable.”

  “Ah!” said Badger. “That’s why we’re here. We need to make Cheryl fragrant so she can dance with Dodgy Dave in the Hotpaws Barking Boogie.”

  “Okay. But I warn you … this could be the biggest assignment you’ve given me yet, Badger. Follow me.”

  Baby Unicorn turned and headed off in the direction of a brilliant white light glistening in the distance.

  Cheryl took Badger’s paw in hers again, and they followed.

  Along the way, they passed another signpost saying, “Nearly There”, and another saying “There”.

  “Ooooh, Badger, we must be getting closer to wherever There is. I’ve always heard my Big Folk say they’re ‘getting there’, and now, here I finally am! If only they could see me now!”

  “It’s all about the journey, Cheryl. Sometimes, when we get to where we’re going, we forget the fun we had travelling.”

  Cheryl looked puzzled.

  Up ahead, Baby Unicorn stopped at the mouth of a cave set in clear quartz crystal. There was yet another sign outside saying:

  “Thank you for coming Here to There, which is now, of course, ‘Here’. We hope you enjoy your visit. Come back soon, and don’t forget to tell all of your friends ‘Here, There and Everywhere’.”

  As the crystals of the cave opening dazzled and shimmered, Cheryl gasped.

  “A stage! Spotlights! This is my moment.”

  She waltzed ahead, completely fearless and enchanted. Badger ran after her.

  “Hold on, Cheryl. Baby Unicorn must enter ahead of us.”

  Cheryl stopped and curtsied to Baby Unicorn, who was just behind her.

  “I do apologise, your royal unicorniness. I just see lights and want to dance.”

  Baby Unicorn bowed and carried on into the cave, with Cheryl and Badger close behind.

  As Cheryl weaved her way through the crystal cave, its stalagmites and stalactites glinted and glittered around her, and she could not resist a little groove on the most dazzling dance floor she had ever seen.

  Her paws tapped and her hips swayed as Badger thumped his tail on the cave floor beside her. He picked up some rocks and shook them in his paws to Cheryl’s beat. Baby Unicorn’s horn flashed as he wriggled his rump to the rhythm of her rumba.

  As she finished with a stunning fandango, Baby Unicorn clicked his hooves and swished his tail. Badger gave her a heartfelt round of up-paws and shouted “Bravo!”

  Cheryl curtsied and beamed with pride.

  “You see, I have to dance. The rhythm runs through my blood like the very breath I breathe.”

  “I understand your passion now, Cheryl with a C. You must follow me and I will do my very best to cure you of your smelliness,” said Baby Unicorn, his flanks still twitching with the rhythm and the beat.

  Baby Unicorn turned towards the back of the cave wall where the rock was flat and smooth.

  A blast of light surged from his horn and lit up the cave wall. An image appeared.

  “Ooooh, a movie screen!” Cheryl squealed in delight.

  “Let’s watch,” said Badger.

  In front of them, they saw a hazy scene of a pup playing and dancing with a much older dog, who looked a lot like Dodgy Dave.

  “Come on, son,” said the older dog. “You’re nearly there. Maybe one day you can win a rosette like this.”

  The older dog handed a shiny red rosette to the pup which had the words ‘Greatest Dancer’ printed on it.

  “I want you to have this as a reminder of how good you are.”

  “Wow. Thanks, Grandpa. But do you really think I could ever be as good as you?”

  “Just keep practising, son. Believe you can, and you will!”

  The screen on the cave wall went blank, then burst back into action with a picture of Dodgy Dave dancing an intricate step pattern.

  “It’s Dodgy Dave!” gasped Cheryl. “I told you he could dance. Oh, what’s that he’s holding?”

  Baby Unicorn, Cheryl and Badger all watched in horror as Dodgy Dave ducked and stumbled, as he was pelted by a torrent of tomatoes. He fell to the ground in a heap, covered in slushy red pulp, scrambling round in a panic to find the tatty red rosette he had dropped. Just as he laid his paw on it, a voice snarled from the side:

  “Let this be a lesson to you, Dodgy Dave. Dogs don’t dance! And certainly not dogs like us.”

  “We’re fighting dogs, not performing pets. If we ever catch you dancing again, there will be one almighty brouhaha,” growled a voice from the other side.

  “And as for this …” snapped another voice. Cheryl gasped as the faded rosette was snatched from Dodgy Dave’s grasp. “Tacky trash should be in the bin,” the voice continued.

  Dodgy Dave watched in misery as his attackers tossed his grandfather’s precious keepsake into a nearby wheelie bin.

  “Good luck with trying to find that!” the voice cackled.

  Dodgy Dave walked off with his head hung low and his tail between his legs.

  The screen went blank again.

  Cheryl was speechless. Her big eyes brimmed with tears.

  Badger looked at her kindly and said, “Now, I think we understand why Dodgy Dave has kept his talents hidden. He’s a proud dog. Perhaps, Cheryl, you can help him find the confidence to dance again.”

  “But he runs away whenever he sees me,” fretted Cheryl.

  “Ah, yes, but that’s also why we’re here,” said Badger. “I think Baby Unicorn may be able to help us out with that. Watch!”

  Badger and Cheryl turned their gaze back towards the cave wall.

  A new image sprang to life in front of them and Cheryl immediately recognised herself on the screen.

  “Goodness, it’s me. I’ve always wanted to be up there on the silver screen. Look!”

  The film showed Cheryl standing by her dinner bowl surrounded by tins of Super Tangy Chilli Beans, packets of Nicy Spicy Fajita Mix and tubs of green Wacky Moly.

  In the cave, Badger turned to Cheryl and frowned: “Erm, is that what you eat every day, for dinner?”

  Cheryl nodded enthusiastically. “Yes. I love it. My Big Folks like sizzling spicy hot dishes and I eat what they have.”

  “Oh dear, Cheryl. Dogs should never eat spicy food. I think we’ve just discovered the reason for your stinkiness,” said Badger.

  They looked back at the screen, but it had already fizzled out.

  “Is that all I can see of Cheryl with a C?” pouted Cheryl, fluttering her big long eyelashes.

  “That is all we need to see,” said Badger. “I think I’ve got an idea to get you eating a healthy dog food plan, and save you from the Pong Police.”

  “But I like my food!”

  “Cheryl, do you want to dance?” asked Badger in exasperation. “Do you want Dodgy Dave to dance with you?”

  “Of course, it’s my
dream.”

  “Then trust me. We need to call in some Badgical Magical help. Let’s get to the Wim-Wim.”

  A rumbling hum shuddered through the cave.

  “Our lift has arrived,” said Badger turning to Baby Unicorn and bowing his thanks.

  Badger and Cheryl ran to the mouth of the cave and jumped into the waiting Wim-Wim.

  Once they had both uttered the magical rhyme, “Open our hearts with our eyes closed tight …”, they found themselves back in Badger’s garden, next to the sundial, near the crack in the fence.

  “Wow, what a swell journey, Badger! I really did trip the light fantastic there.” Cheryl sighed. “I’m famished now, after all that excitement.”

  “Ahem! Cheryl?” said Badger .“Do you need to have the spicy stuff today?”

  “Well, what else could I have?”

  “Leave it with me,” replied the Mystical Mutt, as sparkles of light twinkled around him.

  “Thank you so much, Badger. I’ll see you later.” And, with that, Cheryl skipped through the crack in the fence and into the lane.

  The Pong Police were nowhere to be seen and there were still traces of treacle on the ground.

  Cheryl hummed a happy tune and danced along. Suddenly, she heard a rumpus ahead. It was Dodgy Dave and the gang rummaging in the bins. She ran to catch them up.

  “Dodgy Dave, Dodgy Dave. Wait for me. I have something to tell you!”

  The Gang looked up, startled, as Cheryl marched up to Dodgy Dave.

  “I saw your rosette. It was so pretty. What a shame those horrible dogs took it away from you,” said Cheryl innocently.

  “What?” shouted Dodgy Dave angrily “How do you know about that?”

  “Badger showed me,” she said.

  “What’s this about rosettes Dodgy Dave?” snarled Snif, who emerged from behind the wheelie bins, followed by Pickle, Pogo Paws and Lennie.

  Dodgy Dave looked sheepishly at his gang, and said, “I don’t know what she’s talking about. The smell must be making her delirious.”

  “But I saw it … you with your grandfather. He gave you his winning rosette,” she blurted out, remembering too late Badger’s warning to keep Dodgy Dave’s secret.

  “Shut up, Cheryl. Go away and leave me alone!” As he turned his back on her to face the gang, he snarled, “I think it’s time I paid a visit to Badger the Mystical Mutt.”

  Dodgy Dave sped off in the direction of Badger’s garden, and the gang sped off in any direction … away from Cheryl. She was left all alone, worrying about what Dodgy Dave would do to her new friend Badger.

  Dodgy Dave raced down the lane and barged through the crack in the fence of Badger’s garden.

  But Badger was nowhere to be seen.

  Back in the lane, Badger was busy sending p-mails to all the local mutts, asking for help. He needed everyone to rally round and donate a tin of their own Buddy Bites dog food for Cheryl. So far, he’d had no response and was trying to figure out a spell for conjuring up some Buddy Bites. He walked heavily back to his garden and came nose to nose with Dodgy Dave.

  “Oh, hello, Dodgy Dave. This is a surprise,” said Badger. “Can I help you?”

  “Help me? You’ve destroyed me, you snooping meddling mutt. Why on earth would I want your help? I’m here to pick a bone with you and your prattling ways.”

  Badger stepped back as Dodgy Dave lunged forward, baring his teeth.

  He gulped when he saw his sharp fangs glisten.

  “Did I mention that I used to box?” snarled Dodgy Dave.

  “This could get nasty,” thought Badger and quickly tapped his red-spotted neckerchief.

  “Show Koo Ray, Show Koo Ray,

  Over to you, ’Chief, please save me today.”

  The knot in the neckerchief unravelled, flew towards Dodgy Dave and swirled around his head.

  Dodgy Dave looked upwards and crossed his eyes trying to focus on the speeding cloth.

  ’Chief tied itself swiftly around Dodgy Dave’s eyes in a tight blindfold.

  Dodgy Dave shook his head and staggered, spinning full circle with his paws thrashing around him.

  “Where are you? It’s all gone black.”

  “You’ll see things better if you calm down and listen to me,” said Badger softly.

  “I can’t see anything at all,” said Dodgy Dave in a panic.

  “Do you promise to behave?” asked Badger.

  “Do I have a choice?” asked Dodgy Dave sourly.

  “We always have choices,” said Badger wisely, then added, “but in this instance … no, you don’t.”

  “Okay then,” agreed Dodgy Dave through gritted teeth.

  “Show Koo Ray, Show Koo Ray, come back, ’Chief, and light the way,” said Badger

  The red-spotted neckerchief loosened itself from Dodgy Dave’s head and flew back to Badger’s neck. Badger tapped it with his paw in thanks.

  Dodgy Dave shook himself and widened his eyes in the brightness.

  “I can see again.”

  “Good, but I’d like to help you see things more clearly, Dodgy Dave.”

  “What you are talking about?”

  “The red rosette from your grandfather, and how you adore dancing!”

  Dodgy Dave breathed out a long, slow sigh.

  “How do you and Cheryl know about that? Thanks to you, the gang now know too, and I’ve kept that secret for so many years.”

  “You mean you’ve had to hide the thing you love the most. because you’re afraid of what the others may think and do? Are you ashamed of having a dream?”

  Dodgy Dave lowered his head and whispered, “I’ve never been able to talk to anyone other than my grandpa about it. He was a champion dancer. He encouraged me to dance. Then I got in with the Boxer dogs and followed them onto the streets.”

  “And they didn’t think dancing was something fighting dogs like you should do?”

  Dodgy Dave shook his head.

  “So you had to obey them?”

  Dodgy Dave nodded.

  “Why?” asked Badger gently.

  “Because I wanted to be like them, and be liked by them.”

  “I’ve seen you dance, Dodgy Dave. I’ve never seen anything like it. You have such a talent.”

  Dodgy Dave blushed.

  “Do you think they were right to stop you from dancing?” continued Badger.

  “Well, they didn’t dance,” answered Dodgy Dave.

  “So, because they didn’t dance, anyone who did dance was seen as different?”

  “Yes,” said Dodgy Dave, “different … and a bit daft.”

  “Was your grandfather daft, too?”

  Dodgy Dave bristled. “He wasn’t daft, he was brilliant! He was the greatest dancer in the world.”

  “Then I think you know what you have to do, to respect and continue his legacy. Why don’t you partner Cheryl, and go and win that red rosette in the Hotpaws Barking Boogie?” suggested Badger kindly.

  “But she stinks!”

  “Leave that with me! I’m working on it,” said Badger mysteriously.

  Dodgy Dave brightened and bowed his thanks to Badger solemnly. Then he spun on his heels, did a sprightly sidekick and tap-danced his way to the crack in the fence.

  Badger followed Dodgy Dave into the lane and sniffed the wooden fence. Bingo! He had received over 100 replies to his p-mail.

  Operation Buddy Bites was underway.

  Badger watched as a procession of dogs passed by the crack in the fence. They were all heading for one place — Cheryl’s garden. In their paws they carried tins of Buddy Bites.

  When Cheryl’s Big Folk opened their back door, they were surprised to discover a pile of neatly stacked tins on the step.

  Cheryl ran past their feet and stopped sharp.

  “Oh my goodness,” she thought. “Buddy Bites! They look tasty.” She sniffed and sniffed, then sniffed some more. She looked up at her Big Folk, fluttered her long eyelashes and wagged her bottom.

  Cheryl’s Big Folk li
fted a tin from the top and read its label aloud. “Lickerish Luscious Morsels in Gravy Goo.” They lifted another. “Beefy Brutus Wellies. Are these for you, Cheryl?”

  Cheryl jumped up and down and yapped hungrily. She followed her Big Folk inside, licking her lips.

  “Packed with all the vitamins and minerals your dog needs to keep its heart healthy,” continued her Big Folk. Cheryl thought about how her heart had been fluttering recently when she saw Dodgy Dave. She hoped that Buddy Bites might stop the butterflies in her tummy too.

  While Cheryl was tucking in to her new-found feast, Badger saw Dodgy Dave sidle past his garden. He walked into the lane and followed him. Dodgy Dave was also making his way towards Cheryl’s back garden. When Dodgy Dave entered the garden, he looked around him shiftily.

  Peering through a hole in the fence, Badger saw him add a tin of Savoury Shoot Stew Buddy Bites to the heap of tins on the step. After Dodgy Dave had looked over his shoulder a few more times, he pulled something out from under his arm and laid it down. Then he turned on his heels and ran back to the lane.

  Badger hid behind the wheelie bin and, when he returned to his spyhole, he spotted a bunch of golden dandelions beside the tin. He smiled to himself and thought that Dodgy Dave was now definitely ready to be Cheryl’s dancing partner.

  A few days later, when the number of tins outside Cheryl’s back door had shrunk significantly, Badger spotted the Pong Police in the lane, tearing down their old Warning notices and replacing them with a new poster. He waited for them to leave and ran up to read what was on it.

  He read aloud:

  THIS LANE IS NOW OFFICIALLY OPEN AGAIN, AND HAS BEEN