Badger the Mystical Mutt and the Barking Boogie Read online

  CLEARED UNDER SECTION 111 OF THE PONG STATUTE, AS THE

  HIDEOUS SMELL HAS MYSTERIOUSLY DISAPPEARED.

  “Well,” he thought, “those Buddy Bites worked faster than I realised. If the lane is open, it means Cheryl is pong-free.”

  Just then Dodgy Dave ambled along the lane.

  “I see the Pong Police have packed up and left,” he shouted to Badger.

  “Yes, it looks like things are back to normal again.” He looked at Dodgy Dave, who seemed to have softened since he saw him last. “So now the Hotpaws Barking Boogie can go ahead tomorrow as planned. Will you be entering?” he ventured.

  “I’d like to,” sighed Dodgy Dave. “But I still need a dancing partner.”

  Right on cue, Cheryl skipped up the lane to join them.

  Badger winked at Dodgy Dave and said, “I don’t think you’ll have to look far for your dancing partner.”

  Dodgy Dave turned to Cheryl and sniffed the air around her cautiously.

  “Cheryl, you smell beautiful,” he beamed.

  “Thank you,” she blushed. “The Buddy Bites are really agreeing with me. I loved your flowers, Dodgy Dave, and I liked the flavour you left best. You are very kind.”

  Dodgy Dave kicked his paws together bashfully, and asked, “Would you dance, if I asked you to dance?”

  Cheryl curtsied and replied, “It would be my pleasure.”

  Dodgy Dave bowed, took her paw gently in his and they danced off down the lane together.

  Badger returned to his garden and treated himself to a well-deserved higgledy-piggledy tower of toast.

  “What a Badgical Magical job well done,” he thought, feeling very pleased with himself.

  The next morning, Badger was in the lane picking up his p-mails when he caught sight of Cheryl and Dodgy Dave up ahead, dancing together in silence.

  “Have you two been practising since last night?”

  They both nodded, then Dodgy Dave added, “But it’s really tricky without any music.”

  “Ah!” said Badger. “I think I know who can help. Leave it with me.”

  He turned and trotted to the other end of the lane where the Alley Cats lived.

  Trixie Rose, Velvet Viv and Silky Smith, the local moggies, were busy preening themselves on top of the wall.

  “Hello, Badger,” purred Velvet Viv. “Unusual to see you in our manor.”

  “That’s because I have a favour to ask you. Do you still have your old Meowzik Maker?”

  “We do indeed. Why so?” asked Silky Smith.

  “Fantastic. Could you bring it to the top of the lane and make it play something groovy?”

  “Of course. But what’s in it for us if we do?” asked Trixie Rose.

  Badger thought for a moment, then sparkles of light twinkled around his nose. His eyes brightened as an idea popped into his head.

  “I’ll teach you my special fishy dishy spell.”

  “That’s good enough for me. Let’s go, girls. We’ll meet you there,” said Velvet Viv.

  “Wooftastic!” shouted Badger, already running back to tell Dodgy Dave and Cheryl the good news.

  Before Badger could reach the other end of the lane, the Alley Cats had already arrived with their famous Meowzik Maker.

  “What’s that?” asked Cheryl.

  The alley cats slinked around it and said, “Watch and learn.”

  When Badger caught up, he saw a large box with a big black disc spinning on top. A funnel-shaped contraption hovered above the box, and Silky Smith was sharpening her claws on a nearby stone.

  The Alley Cats joined their paws together, then Silky Smith placed her sharpest claw onto the black disc.

  Suddenly, Velvet Viv began to vibrate, until Trixie Rose shouted, “Stop!” She grabbed Badger and stood him next to her. “You’re the woofer, now we need a tweeter!” She fixed her steely eyes on a nearby sparrow. The bird flew onto Badger’s head and began to tweet. Trixie Rose pulled Badger’s ear and ordered him to bark.

  “Right!” she said.” Hit it, girls.”

  The Meowzik Maker burst into song with a boom cha-cha, boom cha-cha, boom cha-cha beat.

  Cheryl’s hips started to sway and her tiny paws tapped the rhythm.

  “Come on, Dodgy Dave. We can dance,” she shouted.

  Dodgy Dave took Cheryl by the paw and puffed out his chest. They danced in perfect time. “Slow-slow, quick-quick-slow, dancing down the lane we go,” giggled Cheryl.

  They kept the Meowzik Maker running until well past noon. Dodgy Dave and Cheryl took a bow, and thanked Badger and the Alley Cats for all their hard work, not forgetting the sparrow for its tuneful tweets.

  “I must go and rest now, to be ready for the finale tonight,” panted Cheryl.

  “If you shake those hips like that tonight, you’ll get top marks,” purred Trixie Rose.

  Cheryl blushed. “Thank you so much, Trixie. I’m going to wear my lucky pink sequinned collar and my silver locket.”

  “Wow, Dodgy Dave, you rock!” said Badger appreciatively.

  “Thanks, Badger. I’m still a bit nervous about the gang showing up,” said Dodgy Dave.

  “Remember your grandfather and you’ll be just fine,” said Badger, patting his back. Later that night, all the animals were assembled in the concrete alley at the end of the lane, for the finale of the Hotpaws Barking Boogie. The bins had been polished, the litter had been moved and the ground had been swept. Badger stood at the back, watching and waiting. The gang fidgeted at the side.

  Big Folk Anton Du Bark, the show’s producer, sat behind the judging panel awaiting the first dancing dogs.

  An Afghan hound and a whippet took the floor and danced an upbeat jive to a jumping rhythm.

  “They just look stupid dancing like that,” Snif sneered to the rest of the gang, who all nodded in agreement.

  When they finished the judges held up their score cards: five paws, four paws and seven paws, totalling a good score of sixteen paws. Cheryl and Dodgy Dave waited behind the wheelie bins anxiously.

  “The top score is thirty, Cheryl,” Dodgy Dave reassured her. “So we still have a chance.”

  A white Scottish Terrier and a Dandie Dinmont were up next. They marched onto the dance floor, lifted their heads and danced a vigorous Highland fling to the sound of bagpipes and accordions. When they had finished they bowed their heads and looked hopefully over to the judges’ panel. One by one, the judges held up their score cards: seven paws, eight paws and ten paws. The audience gasped.

  “Wouldn’t those two be better off chasing haggis?” growled Pickle to the rest of the gang. Badger frowned.

  Cheryl looked at Dodgy Dave and said, “We’ll never beat that. That was amazing. They got twenty-five out of thirty. That’s almost a full round of up-paws.”

  “We can only do our best, Cheryl. Come on. We’re next! Let’s just enjoy ourselves.”

  As Dodgy Dave led Cheryl out onto the floor, the Alley Cats made an appearance and shook their shakers at the side. The gang looked at each other in utter horror. How could their leader, Dodgy Dave, embarrass them like this?

  When the music started, Dodgy Dave moved towards Cheryl in a slow paw shuffle then Cheryl sashayed around him to the mambo beat. They looked like they had been dancing together all their lives. They were so swept up in their cha-cha-cha that Anton Du Bark had to tell them their time was up.

  They stopped reluctantly, bowed and looked around at the audience who was in raptures. Nervously, they waited for the results. The judges talked amongst themselves and then Anton Du Bark was the first to hold up his score card. It was a TEN!

  Cheryl took a sharp intake of breath, and Dodgy Dave squeezed her paw in excitement.

  The next scorecard was held up. It, too, was a TEN.

  The audience, Badger, Cheryl and Dodgy Dave all held their breath.

  At last, the final scorecard was raised.

  The crowd screamed and Cheryl fainted. Another TEN! In all the previous Hotpaws Barking Boogies, no couple had ever
received a full score of thirty.

  Anton Du Bark tapped his microphone and announced, “As winners of this year’s Hotpaws Barking Boogie, would Cheryl and Dodgy Dave please take the floor again?”

  Dodgy Dave gently patted Cheryl’s face and whispered, “Come on, Cheryl. This is our moment. We’ve won!”

  Cheryl’s eyes opened wide and she shook herself. Dodgy Dave held out his paw and helped her up. They stepped out onto the floor and Anton Du Bark placed a garland of flowers around Cheryl’s neck. He then turned to Dodgy Dave and pinned a bright red rosette onto his collar. They took a bow and closed the show with a dreamy waltz.

  Meanwhile, the gang were in an uproar, plotting Dodgy Dave’s downfall.

  Badger slipped backstage behind the wheelie bins to congratulate the winning couple.

  “I owe you a huge thank you, Badger,” said Dodgy Dave. “You gave me the courage to do this. I don’t know how I can go back to the gang now. I just want to dance with Cheryl for the rest of my life.”

  “What’s stopping you from doing exactly that?” enquired Badger.

  “Everything,” sighed Dodgy Dave. “I’ve got no home, no food, no Big Folk and my gang hate me.”

  “But you’ve got your red rosette, Dodgy Dave. You’ve got an amazing talent, and you’ve got Cheryl,” replied Badger kindly.

  Just then the gang barged past Badger and strutted up to Dodgy Dave.

  “You,” growled Snif, prodding Dodgy Dave’s chest, “are no leader of ours. We can’t have soppy softies who dance in our gang. We’ve had a meeting and you are dumped. I’m taking over as leader of the gang from now on. And as for this excuse for a dog,” he added, nodding to Cheryl, “we’ll make sure she never dances again.”

  “And you’d better scarper now because we’ve let the Dog Catcher know you’re here,” barked Pickle.

  Snif lurched towards Dodgy Dave and ripped the red rosette from his collar. “And you won’t be needing this either,” he glowered, stamping the ribbon nastily into the ground.

  Dodgy Dave looked sadly at the torn red rosette, and then at Cheryl. He held her face between his paws and whispered: “In order for you to be safe, I must leave you.”

  He kissed her on both cheeks as her heart shuddered, and her eyes glistened. Then he nodded to Badger, turned on his heels and fled the lane forever.

  He didn’t look back, certain he could hear the Big Folk boots of the dreaded Dog Catcher thundering after him.

  Cheryl stood, miserable, in the lane. She bent down and picked up the tattered red rosette from the ground and held it to her heart.

  “What now, Badger? Do you have any special magic to bring him back?” she whimpered.

  Just then, Anton Du Bark shouted to them both.

  “Where’s Dodgy Dave gone in such a hurry? I ran after him, but I couldn’t catch him,” he said breathlessly.

  “Why? What’s the matter?” asked Badger.

  “I want to speak to our fabulous winners together. I’ve checked with Cheryl’s Big Folk and got their permission. I have a marvellous proposal to put to both Cheryl and Dodgy Dave,” he beamed.

  Cheryl perked up and said, “Well, you can speak to me now and I can discuss with Dodgy Dave later.”

  “Well,” said Anton, “the fact is that I want you both to be the stars of my new touring show. Cheryl, I want to work on your very own chi-wah-wah dance, and I’ve booked us in to Rio, Vegas and Blackpool for starters.”

  “Oh!” exclaimed Cheryl.

  “And furthermore,” he continued, “Buddy Bites are the sponsors of the Hotpaws Barking Boogie, and they want you and Dodgy Dave to be the faces of their new Doggy Delights poster campaign.”

  “Oh!” squealed Cheryl.

  “That’s the first time I’ve ever heard you lost for words, Cheryl,” winked Badger.

  “It’s razzmatazz all the way. You’ll never look back, but you’ll be on the road for a long time together. I take it you both get on?”

  “But of course. Dodgy Dave is my hero.”

  “You better find him then and tell him the good news. We leave tomorrow, at dusk.” Anton Du Bark turned on his heels and flounced off in a flurry.

  Cheryl looked worriedly at Badger. “Tomorrow? At dusk? We have to find Dodgy Dave as soon as possible. This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity and we cannot miss it. I’ll be sorry to leave my Big Folk, but if I can dance every day with Dodgy Dave, then my wish from the Wishing Lake in the Sky really will come true.”

  Badger smiled and said. “We’d better start looking for him then. Jump on my back, wee one.”

  In a street far from the lane, Dodgy Dave was weary from running for so long. He stopped by a street light and tapped his paws on the ground.

  “No more cha-cha-chas for me,” he sighed. “My only dancing will be solo from now on.” He looked up at the yellow lamp and, out of the corner of his eye, spied a sign on a rickety garage door, which read:

  “Mighty Motors. Security Dog Required. Immediate Start. Apply Within.”

  Back in the lane, Badger and Cheryl scoured every nook and cranny: in the wheelie bins; in garden sheds; under grass cuttings; and the old worn out tyres. But Dodgy Dave was nowhere to be found.

  Badger’s tummy rumbled and he stopped to scratch his head.

  “Why are you stopping, Badger? We have to search through the night. We need to find him,” said Cheryl, getting more and more flustered.

  “I think I need some toast,” said Badger.

  “What? Toast? How can you think of food at a time like this?” she screeched.

  “Trust me, Cheryl. Follow me.”

  When Badger reached his garden, Cheryl hopped off his back angrily.

  “You and your toast! We have no time for this now, Badger.”

  “Ssssssh,” whispered Badger.

  Sparkles of light twinkled around Badger as he closed his eyes and concentrated hard.

  Suddenly, a large slice of slightly burnt toast floated in front of his nose. He caught it in his big paws and held it up close to his eyes.

  Cheryl’s eyes widened.

  “Now, let me see,” said Badger, peering at the slice of toast.

  Slowly, an image appeared in the middle of the toast: a garage door with a sign saying Mighty Motors.

  “Come on, Cheryl. I know where that is. That’s where Dodgy Dave is. The toast never lies.”

  Cheryl jumped on Badger’s back and they set off up the lane and beyond. When they reached Mighty Motors, they saw Dodgy Dave barking ferociously.

  “There he is,” shouted Cheryl in joy.

  Dodgy Dave looked up from his barking, and wagged his tail weakly at them. He hauled himself to his paws and tried shakily to stand, but fell on his side.

  Badger and Cheryl looked in horror at the chains and the iron cuff clamped around his ankle.

  “Don’t move, Dodgy Dave,” shouted Badger, as he tapped his neckerchief and uttered the words:

  “Show Koo Ray, Show Koo Ray,

  Find the key to take chains away.”

  Badger’s neckerchief unfurled from his neck and flew towards the garage door. It slithered underneath and returned quickly with a ring of keys.

  Cheryl and Badger rushed to Dodgy Dave and tried each key until they found the one that fitted.

  “There,” said Badger proudly. “You’re free!”

  Dodgy Dave tried to stand again, but with no luck.

  “What is it, Dodgy Dave. Why can’t you stand?” asked Cheryl anxiously.

  “It’s my back leg, Cheryl. I can’t feel it at all.”

  Badger put his paw on Dodgy Dave’s leg. It was wet and sticky.

  “I can’t see in the dark, but it doesn’t look too good. I think we need to get you back to the lane to have a proper look,” said Badger.

  “I can’t go back there,” said Dodgy Dave. “The Dog Catcher was chasing me when I left.”

  “That wasn’t the Dog Catcher, Dodgy Dave,” said Cheryl smiling. “That was Anton Du Bark, and he has a marvel
lous offer for us both. It’s all going to be fine. You and I will be able to dance together forever.”

  Just then Dodgy Dave slumped. Cheryl flung her arms across his broad back in anguish.

  “Come on, Cheryl. Can you help me lift him? We need to examine that leg in the light. Let’s get him back to my garden.”

  Badger hoisted one of Dodgy Dave’s arms around his shoulder, taking most of his weight, and Cheryl grabbed his other side. His legs dragged heavily along the ground.

  When, finally, they arrived back in the garden, Badger lay Dodgy Dave gently down on the grass, where the street lamps from the lane shone their light on his injured leg.

  “It’s worse than we thought, Cheryl,” said Badger grimacing.

  Dodgy Dave had a huge gash on his leg. The iron cuff had cut it to the bone. Red patches of blood had crusted around the wound, but it was still bleeding.

  “Oh no!” cried Cheryl. “He’s never going to dance again.”

  Dodgy Dave closed his eyes and fell into a deep sleep.

  A while later, he awoke with a groan. His leg hurt badly and his head was fuzzy. He opened his eyes to see Badger and Cheryl looking down at him with concern.

  “Your leg has completely swollen up,” said Cheryl. “It looks really sore.”

  Dodgy Dave caught sight of his injury and breathed out noisily. “That’s worse than I realised. I don’t think I’ll be dancing again, Cheryl.”

  She turned anxiously to Badger and pleaded with all her heart. “Is there any magic you can do to help?”

  “Let me think,” said Badger softly. “Maybe ’Chief can help us.”

  He tapped his red-spotted neckerchief. It untied and floated flatly over Dodgy Dave’s leg.

  Badger knelt on the grass, placed his paw gently on Dodgy Dave, then uttered the magic words:

  “Show Koo Ray, Show Koo Ray,

  Use your healing magic to take the pain away.”

  Dodgy Dave was silent. Cheryl watched in awe as sparkles of light twinkled around the puffy leg. A few moments passed then Badger stood up and said: